


The System

by theauthor2010



Series: The Rebuilding Series [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Rape, Rape/Non-con References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-20
Updated: 2011-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-15 19:49:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 15,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/164369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theauthor2010/pseuds/theauthor2010
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tragic rape turns a young life upside down. Kurt is determined to put it right side up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_“I was raped. My getting out was the system saving its own sorry ass. You happy?”_

Kurt stared in shock, but that wasn’t the beginning of the story at all.

Puck had returned to Mckinley after his stint in juvie acting as though nothing had changed, though he was pretty much a whole different person from the moment he re-entered the school's doors.

When questioned about juvie, and his subsequent early release, he shrugged and said in a soft voice, “it wasn’t my fault what happened. It was the college guys I was with. I proved it; I got out, end of story. I really don't want to talk about it and I would appreciate it if you shut up."

His tone indicated that it was end of story _or else_ , but the most striking part of the threat was the fact that those words were the last aggressive ones he used.

He just wasn’t Noah Puckerman anymore. He barely spoke. Not even Santana pretty much flashing her boobs in his face was enough to get him to notice her, nevertheless jump right back into bed with her. Even at glee club rehearsal, something that usually at least grabbed his interest for awhile, he stared off into space, mind about a million miles away.

Most people were pissed off at the lack of interest or at best, confused, but Kurt was a little (okay a lot) on the concerned side.

He first tried to directly ask him. That didn’t go over so well.

“What’s…what’s going on with you?” he asked, trying to sound confident. “You’re acting really weird.”

“And it’s throwing you off and we’re gonna bomb whatever the hell it is we’re trying to perform?” Puck asked in that dull voice that Kurt could not and would not get used to coming from him. “Yeah, I got that speech from Rachel on Tuesday. I’ll snap out of it. Someday. Maybe. Hopefully. Okay?”

Kurt sat down next to him, rather forcefully. “I wasn’t going to give that speech, I’m not Rachel. Something’s wrong with you. What is it?”

“I’m not having this conversation,” was the only response he got before Puck got up and left the room.

He tried fishing it out of other people next. “I don’t understand what’s going on with him,” Kurt said, while he and Mercedes were sitting in the cafeteria, two tables down from the resident distant jock. “He doesn’t talk much; he doesn’t do much. He just kind of exists.”

“Yeah came outta that place kinda funny, didn’t he?” she asked, staring right where Kurt was looking.

“Did he give you any clue as to what was wrong?” he asked her.

She shook her head. “No man. He’s calmed down, sobered up, stopped screwing around school, from what I heard. You hear anything?”

Kurt shook his head. “Nah,” he said softly. “Finn said he won’t let anyone touch him and though he’s on football probation, he doesn’t seem too keen on even getting back out on the field.”

“Something’s messed.”

“Yeah.”

His third try was to go straight to the source. He knew where the guy lived and maybe if he couldn’t get an answer out of him at school, home was the place to go. Puck’s family lived in a small place that was easy to find and get to. One day, before school, early, Kurt knocked on the door.

It was Puck’s mother who answered the door. She looked very stricken, tired, upset. Kurt couldn’t help the million ideas of what had happened to her son that flashed through his head. “He’s in his room, getting ready for school. You can go on up if you wanna.”

Kurt went inside.

He found Puck standing there in his boxers and a white t-shirt. Why did people take so damned long to get ready in the morning? Of course, not everyone was like Kurt and had a long morning routine that involved waking up at 5:30am just to look good. “Uh, hey,” he said, feeling like he was totally intruding.

The larger boy’s horror-stricken expression indicated it was. “Shit, did my mom just like let you in here or something?”

“Uh. Sorry. She probably didn’t know.”

He averted his eyes. Even though his intentions were purely innocent he felt bad for staring at him in half undress.

Though, there was something odd about the frantic way he tugged on clothing. “Are you…okay?” Kurt asked.

“Would you stop asking me that? What are you doing here?”

“I just felt like I should ask,” he said shrugging. “And … come by, since you seemed uncomfortable at school.”

“I’m just trying to handle some shit I can’t control,” the boy said, turning back to face him. It looked like he had been crying or something but that was impossible. “Can’t you back off and let me deal like everyone else?”

“Because I give a damn, unlike half the people in this area who don’t know how?”

It was harsh but Kurt had always fought fire with more fire. It was the only way he got results out of people.

Little did he know, the result he got wasn’t going to be one he knew how to deal with very well. Puck practically growled at him, slammed the door shut behind him and stared at him.

“I got raped. My getting out was the system saving its own sorry ass. You happy?”

Kurt was absolutely shocked. He couldn’t believe this. This wasn’t happening, it wasn’t true. He sat down and stared up at the boy in front of him. With all the submissive quietness he had seen from Puck lately, he thought nothing else he did would shock him, but the jock was fighting back tears – real tears.

What was he supposed to do?


	2. Chapter 2

“Are you happy now?” Puck asked, after the long silence filled the air between them for a second too long. “You got your answers Kurt, and now you can go.”

Kurt didn’t know how to answer that.

Raped. It was one of those words that held meaning, but really didn’t hold meaning, until you were face to face with it. He knew what rape was. He knew what rape implied. He had enough familiarity with those horrible movies on Lifetime that he sort of understood the rape victim experience, or so he thought, but he never understood it, not really. It wasn’t a word you associated with Noah Puckerman, and the look on his face told Kurt that he really didn’t want to have this understanding. He was completely and utterly broken down.

“H-how?” he asked softly. “How did it happen?”

“Dude, I just started saying the r-word today, I can’t…I can’t deal with this. Don't make me deal with this."

Puck wasn’t the typical rape victim, at least in Kurt’s mind. When he thought of rape victim, he admitted he fell into the image of a small, quivering, scared person who had been deeply violated.

That was the rape-victim fantasy that filled books and TV though, wasn’t it? Kurt wasn’t stupid.

This boy, struggling in front of him, was the real thing.

“I should just deal with it, shouldn’t I?” he asked when Kurt didn’t say anything or move to leave. He wasn’t even really talking to Kurt, was he? He kept pacing around the room and looking around, somewhat frantically. “I fucked around with so many girls, should just get over it as a bad screw. It’s over and done with and hey, the judicial crap got me out of there without even having to prove my obvious innocence.”

Kurt was just too stunned to talk.

“Did you…talk to someone?” he finally choked out. Talking through trauma - that was supposed to work. “Someone like…a counselor?”

He shook his head, harshly. “My mom knows and that’s it. I got a card to some psych person but the hell if I’m going to do that. I could go to the guidance counselor for fun, maybe? I wonder if she has a ‘so you got fucked in jail and your head’s on backwards’ pamphlet.” He flashed Kurt a dark grin.

Kurt didn’t know what to say – again. “I’m here, if you want to talk about it.”

“Do I look like the kind of guy who talks about it?” Puck asked, and the desperation in his eyes was so intense that Kurt backed up a little bit. “I’ve always held my own, Hummel, in a fight, in anything. I…c-couldn’t hold my own in this and it fuckin’ sucks.”

“You can tell me,” he said, finding that was the only thing he could say. “I wouldn’t tell anyone, you know that.”

“What do I know?” Puck asked and it was almost pathetic. “I don’t know anything about anyone, especially not you.”

“You can trust me,” Kurt says but the tone is soft, almost scared.

“I don’t know why you want me laying this down on you. I just…I couldn’t stop it from happening. I threw punches, fought back, but it wasn’t like fucking around with Finn or one of the guys on the team. He was stronger than I was, even if he was smaller…”

Puck looked down at the floor, head in his hands and Kurt had a strangling urge to hug the poor guy.

“I told him to cut the crap, and tried to make him stop but he had guys watching on the outside for any interference. He had backup that totally cut off any attempt I made to get free.”

It was heartbreaking, especially the moment his breath hitched on what sounded like the efforts not to cry.

“I dunno how you fags do it,” he breathed low, and any other situation that word would have sent Kurt flying off the handle. Not now, though, not now. “It hurt…like hell. T-tore right through me.”

When he looked up, it was obvious he was struggling not to cry. It was the scariest thing ever. “It’s not like that…when it’s…consensual,” Kurt said, struggling not to add a: or so I’ve been told, to the end of that statement. “You…were violated and you need time to heal…”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“It’s true.” Kurt tried to stay stronger, more supportive. He wasn’t used to being the shoulder to cry on.

“Look, man, school’s gonna start and if we’re going we better go,” Puck said seriously. “Comin’ with?”

It was kind of interesting that he actually wanted them to go together. “S-sure,” he said soft. “And I meant what I said, I’m here for you.”

“Good.”


	3. Chapter 3

School was always torture - Kurt knew this. He was a sixteen year old boy who was constantly bullied and hated it with a passion. Still, he had never known real McKinley torture before he went the first four periods of the day not seeing or being in the same class as Puck. They had fifth together but that was after lunch. He was terrified for the boy now that he knew what he was going through.

He also knew that the worry was stupid. There was literally nothing he could do to make the other boy's horrible situation any better. He knew that Puck was strong too and though he was hurting bad, he wasn't going to break, but still, what could he do if Puck didn't want to get the help himself?

Nothing was more of a relief than running out of fourth period to lunch. He vaguely heard a "watch yourself," from his side but it didn't register in the slightest.

He found his target hanging alone at one of the tables near the end of lunch. He had been forced to appease the great Mercedes and let her know he wasn't insane and didn't have a crush on anyone.

Why did she always assume that when he went unfocused? Girl had love on the brain.

"Hey," he mumbled.

His presence got a smile, but it was laced with incredulity and near laughter. "I got myself a new mommy figure in you, don't I?" It was mocking but he had the strangest feeling his appearance wasn't unwanted. "You look like this has been on your mind all day. Don't waste your thoughts. It'll fuss with that pretty head of yours."

He seemed so out of it, in such a tragic way. Not like drunk out of it, but just so far gone he didn't care at all. "Are you okay?" he asked sitting down.

He got a shrug. "I dunno. San tried flashing me again. I pretended not to notice, mostly just to watch her see red. That Sam kid cowered in study hall today - like I was gonna beat his ass for dating Quinn. I'm getting tired of not caring but, at the same time it's cool." He flashed one of those careless grins again. "So did you really spend all day worrying over me?"

"No," he lied, quickly.

"Don't. I'm not offing myself or driving through another convenience store. I got a mom and a sister remember?"

He had forgotten that Puck had family and well family usually meant something. He knew that no matter the desperation in his own life, he lived and pushed on for his dad. It wasn't always the best reason to hold on but sure as Hell was good enough. "Good."

He glanced at the floor. The bell chimed.

"Walk me to fifth?" Puck asked with a daring grin. "It'll ease your urge to play mommy."

He ignored the taunt and got up. "Thank you."

Finn, who also shared their fifth period, beat them to the door.

"What the hell's been going on with you?" he asked, cutting between Kurt and Puck and practically pinning Puck up against the lockers like some hallway bully. "I've been putting up with your bullshit for a week and a half now. You're screwing with glee, with football, and now you pick a fight with my girlfriend?"

"Dude, what the hell are you babbling about?" Puck asked, pushing back but Finn shoved him harder, pinning him down with his massiveness.

Kurt didn't hear a word after that because he caught the subtle change in the pinned teenager's eyes. Panic flashed across a sharp hazel canvas and his breath quickened. His eyes got hazy and watered.

Finn didn't see. Typical.

"Finn, get off," Kurt snapped harshly, yanking back his shoulder. "And since you have the sensitivity and thought of a brick, it probably extends to your academics. Get to class.”

Holy shit that had felt good. He breathed deeply and watched as Finn shot him a dirty and confused look.

“I said go,” he said, crossing his arms and inhaling sharply.

Finn went. So that was what it felt like to have power.

“Are you okay?” he asked soft, coming down from that high.

Puck shook his head, laughing. “Damn Hummel,” he said with shakiness to his voice. “I didn’t know you had that kind of badass in you. You didn’t have to do that though. I was cool. It’s just Hudson.”

The last part kind of broke his heart. It was obvious Puck was trying to convince himself that, as much trying to convince Kurt . “Sorry,” he said even though he knew he had nothing to apologize for.

“I am going to get so much shit for being defended by you,” he mumbled, and Kurt wasn’t even offended. It was true, but it felt good.

It had also curbed the terror in the other boy’s eyes. It was worth it.


	4. Chapter 4

The rehearsal let out late – like stars in the sky late. It didn’t surprise Kurt. Rachel was already going Broadway Godzilla on the rest of the group and sectionals were fast approaching, same as last year. He didn’t mind it much. In fact, he usually liked the late night rehearsing because it gave him something productive to do, but right now he was so worried about Puck, it took the enjoyment out of just about everything he did, including rehearsing. “Heading home?” he asked the other boy, hesitant to leave him.

Puck shook his head a little. “I dunno,” he said, though it was obvious he meant no. “Was gonna swing by the park for a bit. You can…uh come if you’re game.”

He nodded. He wasn’t sure. His dad might commit murder if he was home too late but he wanted to follow.

The park was only up the street from McKinley. It looked different at night but it was the same park Kurt’s dad always used to take him when he was little. His mom had too – she was always the one to push him on the swings, or play house with him.

“Looks so weird at night,” he mumbled, trying to kill the silence between them.

“Yeah,” Puck agreed. “You spend a lot of time here as a kid too?”

Kurt nodded. “My mom and dad used to bring me up here a lot.”

“Cool. Yeah. My mom did sometimes. Or I’d swing up alone.”

“Wonder if we were ever here at the same time as kids.”

“It’d be likely,” he said thoughtfully.

Kurt turned and looked as Puck sat on the slide and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. He lit up. “I didn’t know you smoked,” he said, desperately grasping for something to talk about with the other boy.

“I don’t,” he said as he took a deep drag. “I just found out that it calms the hell out of these nerves. I swear to anything man; I just can’t stop…shaking and shit. It’s like a frayed wire that keeps sparking or something…”

“Kinda eloquent,” Kurt mumbled. “I don’t blame you for being jumpy.”

“Goin’ crazy is more like it,” was the hushed reply. “This is nice though.”

The cool air and smell of smoke around them was kind of comforting though, even Kurt had to admit that. “You know if you want to talk to me,” he said. “Then you’re more than welcome to. I don’t know what help I can be, cause I have no idea what you’re going through but…I’ve been a victim before and it sucks and…you can shut me up any time now, you know that right?”

A soft laugh was all Puck gave him.

“You kinda have huh? It’s not being shoved against a wall and fucked but people have fucked you around…”

“Figuratively.”

“Yeah, figuratively before. Even me. Funny. I’m no better than those sonofabitch rapists.”

“That’s not true,” he said as he looked up, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re a good person. You did some dumbass things but you’re seventeen. That’s…okay. It’s not the same as raping someone.”

The word still made him wince. It was just painful to think of a friend going through that.

Puck smirked, putting out the cigarette on the ground. “So, what’d you like to do here as a kid?” he asked.

Kurt looked over at the swingset. “My mom…before she died, loved pushing me on the swings when I was a kid. What’d you like, pushing kids off of them?” He smiled, teasing just some.

“Touché, you dick. Nah actually I liked swings too. Very fun for a bored kid.” He jumped up.

“Where are you going?”

“Swings.”

Kurt got up and followed him to the swings. Puck took the left and he took the right. There were a lot of good memories attached to this park. “Your mom was a good one, wasn’t she?” Puck asked as he swung back a little bit, kicking his legs lightly.

“A good…what…oh mom, yeah she was fantastic…I don’t remember every detail. She died awhile ago. But she was a good mom. Always put up with me. That’s gotta stand for something.” He pushed back and kicked his legs, swing going higher than the other boy’s.

“That’s cool. My mom was cool until dad left then things spiraled a bit. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were good ol’pals back in the day.”

Kurt thought for a minute about the other boy. His home life kind of sucked, he got treated as the bad guy in a fucked up baby situation, lost a kid he probably sincerely wanted to raise, and now he had been thrown in juvie, raped and it was kind of the last straw.

It was horrible. Kurt didn’t know if he would have lasted in the other’s shoes. He had almost done unspeakable things over simple bullying after all. It almost made him tear up, but he looked the other way and swung higher.

“It’s getting late,” Puck pointed out, breaking through his thoughts. “I wanna go home and go to bed but…it’s been really hard lately.”

“Y-yeah?” he asked softly.

“Yeah,” he responded dully. “I’ve been…waking up my little sister. Her room’s next to mine and those walls are so thin.”

“How?” he asked, though he knew the answer.

“Nightmares I guess. I … man I keep replaying it upstairs and … then I scare her.”

He frowned some as he thought. This was probably a bad idea, but it was already on his brain and halfway out of his mouth. “Do you wanna stay at my place?” he asked soft. “My room’s in the basement. It’s pretty much sound proofed and dad’s learning to stay out…”

“Oh dude, your dad would kill you, wouldn’t he? Or me? I mean, come on, a gay dude and a stud like me? He’d have to jump to natural conclusions.” It took Kurt a second to realize he was just teasing.

“Dream on,” he said but he knew his dad wouldn’t let that go. “I can sneak you down though. I’m sure he’s watching some godawful television show in his bedroom.”

“Okay.”


	5. Chapter 5

“You should tell him,” Kurt said softly, sitting down at his desk after finishing dressing. He tried to focus on fixing his face, but all he could really think of was how helpless Puck had looked the night before. It was painful. Puck had just woken up and maybe he should have given the poor kid more than a few seconds to adjust to the morning, but he had to get this off of his chest after listening to the other boy. It had hurt…and had been horrible.

Puck was right. He was suffering from really bad nightmares. The screaming, the pleading and begging to stop…it was really enough to break the hardest heart in two. Aside from the heartfelt pleas and near tears, Finn’s name was there like a brand on the dreams.

“Tell who what?” Puck asked, rubbing his eyes. It was kind of cute, a childlike gesture.

“Tell Finn,” Kurt said shaking his head. “I think that even if you don’t tell everyone right now, you should tell Finn. He scared you to death the other day, just being his clueless self and there’s always a chance he’ll do it again…you miss him.”

He didn’t mention that Puck had helplessly whimpered, “please Finn, need you so bad bro,” in the midst of his hysterics.

“He didn’t scare me to death.”

Kurt held up a hand. “Plus,” he said. “He’s your best friend.”

“He really hasn’t been my best friend since that shit went down and you know it,” Puck said gruffly, leaning back against the headboard. “I mean, we’re cool, but he’s no different to me than anyone else.”

“Liar. Would you at least think about it?”

Puck groaned and nodded. “Yes.”

“Now get dressed.”

“Yes mommy.”

Puck got dressed pretty quickly and Kurt knew his dad was already at the shop, so he managed to sneak him out without trouble. When they got to school, it was a pretty quiet morning at McKinley High School, or so it seemed.

Until they were spotted that was.

“Oh man, looks like the prison bitch caught the fag’s disease.”

Kurt’s jaw dropped and Puck visibly trembled for a second before crossing his arms. “What the hell are you talking about?” he growled, but it was more attempted than anything and fell flat.

“It’s all over the gossip blogs…” the jock said with a playful grin, “all over the school. Looks like your stint in juvie included a stint as prison bitch. That true, Puckerman?”

He threw a punch, a highly ineffective punch. “That’s bullshit.”

Kurt looked at the boy, horrified. He didn’t know what he could say or do to help. “Where’s this information coming from?” he asked, softly.

“Aw – can’t defend your boy very well.”

The noise was the first thing to register, as Puck punched the boy in the face.

Kurt backed up as the blood gushed. “Don’t,” he said seriously. “Just relax. It can’t be as bad as it seems.”

Kurt caught Mercede’s eyes from across the room. She gestured with her head towards a room. Kurt grabbed Puck by the hand, gay rumors be damned, and tugged him over towards the room.

The girl looked from one of them to the other. “I knew this place is abandoned through second,” she said, shrugging a little bit. “You guys looked like you needed an out.”

The moment was so awkward. Kurt shifted and opened up his bag.

Puck looked at the door, as if trying to decide which was better, staying or going back out there.

Mercedes chuckled nervously. “So, um. The rumors going around are …insane. I’ve never heard anything so crazy go through the rumor mill.”

Puck covered his face, sitting down. Kurt bit his lip, torn between sitting down and comforting him and just picking through his stuff awkwardly. Mercedes’ look asked, is it true? Kurt just sighed a little bit and sat down next to the other boy.

“How the fuck does the whole school know?” he asked Kurt low. “They made it damned clear that I couldn’t press charges or any of that shit or I’d wind up back in the hole. They obviously didn’t…cover their tracks very well.”

Mercedes coughed and excused herself. “I gotta go to class. I’ll cover for you guys best I can.”

Kurt put an arm around him. “The…facility wasn’t that far from here, was it?” he asked softly. “Unfortunately, stuff just travels in waves around this godawful town.”

It was so humiliating and Kurt could see the shame boiling up before Puck slammed his fist into the chair, tossing it out from under himself as he stood. “How the hell does something like this just leak out? And how can people make fun of it?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt said, crossing his legs. He had never skipped class but he was going to today. He was going wherever the other boy was.

The silence was a very long, drawn out one. Kurt felt horrible because there was nothing he could do to make this better except sit and stare at the victimized teenager.

About a half hour after they entered the room, Kurt’s phone buzzed. Mercedes.

\- Is he ok? Finn keeps asking me.

Kurt glanced over at Puck, who was wringing his hands and growling under his breath.

\- Is Finn in your 1rst per?

He held his breath waiting for the answer.

\- Yeah.

Kurt knew this was more interference then he really should be allowing himself but he sent Mercedes the text anyway.

\- Tell him to fake sick. Come to classroom you sent us to.

“Who’s that?” Puck asked, gesturing to Kurt’s phone and the texting.

Kurt bit his lip, deciding not to give all the details. “’Cedes,” he mumbled offhandedly. “She asked if you were doing okay. I told her you were fine, for now.”

“Cool. She’s a cool chick. I don’t know why we’re just sitting in this place though.”

“Me neither, but I don’t wanna go.”

Finn showed up about fifteen minutes after that declaration. He looked confused. “What’s goin’ on?” he asked them both.

“You told him we were here?” Puck asked Kurt and Kurt shrugged.

“These rumors are insane, dude, what’s happening?”

“Those rumors are completely, one-hundred-percent true, Hudson. I don’t know how the fuck anyone gets a hold of something like that but … here we are.” The insecurity was heartbreaking to Kurt, who shifted away to give the other two boys some privacy. “I don’t want anyone to know. I wasn’t going to tell anyone. I only just today told mommy over there I’d think of telling you.”

Kurt winced at that.

“How does someone…do that…to you?”

Kurt watched as Puck struggled, inhaling sharply a couple of times.

“I…really shouldn’t miss second. I gotta go. Make sure you guys clear out before the class is in use.”

He had done a good job.


	6. Chapter 6

Kurt groaned and slammed his bag down on the floor as he entered glee rehearsal. He was ten minutes late thanks to being cornered by his French teacher. “Sorry I’m late.”

It seemed pretty much normal. Everyone was sitting where they usually would, aside from Finn and Puck who were sitting together on one side of the room. It was, however, anything but normal. The looks that were being cast in the duo’s direction were painful. Kurt went and sat down on Puck’s other side, worried for him. He looked as though he was ready to melt under all of the staring. Didn't the all-tolerating-glee-club know to cut it out?

“Okay, good,” Mr. Shuester said calmly, though he seemed as bothered as the students. “We can start now. For today, I was thinking –“

Puck glanced at Kurt and then cut the teacher off.

“Mr. Shue? Before we start can I say something?”

“Uh, sure Puck, yeah, go ahead.”

Kurt held his breath as the boy stood up. Puck looked scared out of his mind but there was a fire, a determination, hidden behind his eyes. His eyes were beautiful in that way, totally fierce. “I want you all to stop looking at me like a goddamned leper,” he said firmly. “I know you’ve all heard the rumors by now, and yeah they’re true but no, I’m not talking about it. I’m really tired and it’s been a long day of taunts and sh-stuff. The glances and stuff…just stop. I don’t change. I never will and I'll be damned if this changes a thing."

Kurt swallowed, admiration growing.

Their fearless advisor seemed without words after that. “Uh, yeah…thanks. Um. Anyway, the theme for today – let’s go with friendship. We need some friendship songs.”

Kurt smiled. Good save. Sometimes Mr. Clueless managed.

Usually rehearsal was when he was most focused but this time he had issues. He made some halfhearted comments about “you got a friend in me,” and listened to Brittany and Santana fight but his head wasn’t in the right place at all.

Will also realized that the kids weren’t into it either. “Bring me back a song on Thursday,” he said dismissing them. “We can resume then.”

Kurt walked out with Puck at his side. This time it seemed that the other boy was initiating the contact. That made Kurt feel surprisingly better and less like a mother hen watching after him all the time.“That rehearsal was a bust,” the larger boy mumbled. “I think Shuester kicked us out because of your confused face. No offense.”

“I’m just at a loss,” Kurt defended, but he knew Puck was right. He was just so tired and confused and worn down by this that he couldn't think much.

“Welcome to my life,” he mumbled.

“Are you okay?” Kurt asked, helpless as his words spilled out of his mouth. “I had no idea that people were going to find out. I can’t even begin to IMAGINE how people found out. I …we should call someone to help, if you think you’re really going to get harassed. Did anyone hurt you today?”

“One question at a time,” Puck said, holding up a hand. “I’m cool. Not gonna let anyone hurt me.”

“Physically,” Kurt mumbled.

“You’re muttering,” Puck scolded, darkly. He paused for a long while until he finally spoke again. “Can I ask…why are you playing Mother Theresa here?”

Kurt took a seat on a bench. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’re totally looking out for me. You were the only one to push what happened and you’ve been a total saint. You’re…a good guy, I get that, but before this you couldn’t give two shits about me and honestly, the feeling was mutual. Why are we…buddy-buddy now? It feels stupid.”

“If you don’t want me around then I don’t have to be.”

Kurt didn't exactly know why he was taking it upon himself to help the other. He knew that if the situation was a different one he wouldn't give Puck a second look. He just had seemed so isolated when he came back and maybe Kurt was a little drawn to isolation. He knew that feeling well - the feeling that not even the closest people to you understood what you were going through.

"That's the problem. I kinda want you to be. I just don't get why."

"You were alone," Kurt answered, deciding that alone would be satisfying enough. It had to be because it was all he had for an answer. "You needed someone and I'm someone."

"So um," Puck muttered. "I've had enough of this sappy bull. I'm gonna go hang with Hudson tonight but...do you think I can crash again Saint Kurt?"

He actually smiled.

"Yeah sure."


	7. Chapter 7

Kurt groaned. Mercedes was never one to beat around the bush but she was obviously trying to say something and he was ready to throw the phone down if she didn’t. “What is it ‘Cedes?” he mumbled, getting more and grouchier by the second. He had been having one hell of a week and his best friend was making it a little bit worse by hmm-ing and beating around the issue she wanted to present.

“Don’t fall in love with Puck, okay?”

Kurt practically fell out of his chair when she finally did spit it out. What the hell was she on? “No offense but are you crazy? You know I love you girl, but I think you lost your mind today.”

“Kurt,” Mercedes said on the phone, firmly.

“Please tell me you haven’t joined the Kurt’s gay therefore he must want to jump everything male team,” he said, unable to even process what she was saying. “Why would you even think I was falling in love with Puck, or even at risk of doing so?”

“I saw the way you looked at the boy at rehearsal today Kurt. You’re takin’ care of him. That much is obvious to everyone and it’s noble and awesome and I’m not saying you should stop. None of us know how to deal with this and you’re doing a good job…it’s just, don’t think of him as some little pitiful victim you can mother, take care of and nurture okay. Even though he was raped– this is still the same guy.”

He had to laugh at that. “Mercedes, do you think I’d forget the guy that slammed me into lockers and threw me into dumpsters?” he asked. “I know who he is. I know who he was. I know who he’ll probably be as soon as he recovers but I want to be there for his recovery. I’m not gonna fall for him.”

“Okay, as long as you’re sure. Puck is like...super-charming and...it's insanely easy to fall for him. Just be careful okay? Boy can give you one look and drive you mad, but if you're sure..."

“I’m sure,” he said firmly. "I know he made you googly eyed for a second there but I'm not gonna let him do it for me. I gotta go. It's late. "

 

After that, he was a little mad at his best friend. He loved her to death but that suggestion was so out of line – now of all times. He was not going to fall in love with him. Silly. “Night Kurt,” she said softly.

“Night Mercedes,” he said leaning back against his bed and growling some.

“Sure you’re not gonna fall for me?” a voice asked, and Puck appeared on the stairs. “I mean I’m pretty damned hot and it’s only about time, the sex-god I am, that I get a guy hooked on me too.”

“H-how did you get in here?” Kurt asked. “I thought you’d call first.”

Puck sat at the end of his bed, giving him one of those huge grins of his. “Your dad let me in. I told him you forgot some things today at rehearsal.”

“That’s gonna make it harder for you to stay tonight,” Kurt countered.

“I’ll manage. We’ll figure it out,” Puck said. “Now what is this about falling for me? I mean I assume that’s who you were blabbering about, unless this town is more fucked up than I thought."

Kurt swallowed, humiliated. He generally assumed that he was alone when he was in his room. Even his father knew to keep out and give Kurt some privacy. “Mercedes had some odd ideas,” he said firmly, trying to act like her ideas were no big deal and that they weren’t embarrassing. “She thinks I see you as some victim I can take care of, and that I’ll fall for you. Unfortunately, for you, that’s not happening.”

Puck looked amused. Why did he keep smiling?

“That’s stupid,” he said. “Who would like this – person I’m turning into? Even you have better taste than that. Still, does strike me as strange, you helping me get through this. It's uncharacteristic and odd and I could see where she'd get some ideas."

Kurt felt his face turn red. Was any interest he had in a straight guy automatically pegged as romantic?

“Still,” Puck added, almost musing aloud to himself. “It would be more likely that the victim would fall in love with the hero, out of some hero complex right? Is there an opposite? Maybe she got it wrong and I’ll fall madly in love with you. That would be funny. A really good story though. I'd read it. If I read more."

Kurt threw a pillow at him. “Shut up,” he said shaking his head a little. “How was hanging with Finn?”

It was a bad transition, but a transition that was completely needed. He could not talk about his nonexistent romantic interest in the other boy anymore without suffocating himself with a pillow to end the confusion and annoyance.

Puck decided to let it go, surprisingly. “It was good. We haven’t chilled like that in like…forever.”

“You did need him back in your life,” he said honestly and he knew it was true.

“I did,” he said. “And hey, he’s not madly in love with me.”

“I hate you.”

“Hate is just another word for love.”

Kurt broke into a small smile. He knew that the other boy was just trying to relieve the insane tension that was going off in the room.

“I’m gonna go convince my dad you left, jerkface.”

“Come back quickly, princess.”

Kurt found himself still smiling despite the bantering between them.


	8. Chapter 8

A little cry and Kurt was jolted from his already very light sleeping. He moved to Puck's side, blinking to see better in the dark of his room. The other teenager was whimpering lightly, eyes screwed up tight. "Please, let go of me," he rasped, his words slurred together and his heartbeat the loudest thing in the world. He jerked violently, wrenching from an invisible hand that was holding him in place.

"Please, ung no...you can't do this!" Puck yelled those words desperately and Kurt was all but praying that his room was as soundproofed as he tested. "God...please....stop!"

His whole body yanked and jerked again. Kurt's heart broke; hit the floor and shattered.

"Puck," he said softly, then louder. "Puck! Wake up."

The boy reached out, muscular arm jerking as he clutched Kurt's shirt, fingers twisting in the fabric. Kurt let himself be yanked forward.

Kurt wrapped his arms around Puck's waist instinctively. "It's okay...I'm here..."

The boy didn't wake up. Instead he kept his tight grip on Kurt's shirt and then used his free arm to hug him tight. He made a small sound and didn't move.

Kurt realized quickly that he was asleep – out like a brick. He also realized that he was trapped, Puck’s arm around his middle. He hoped the bigger boy didn’t kill him when they woke up. He tried to get comfortable in the firm grip. He grumbled.

Puck loosed peaceful at least. Poor guy. Seeing him like that – it was terrifying. The rape had taken over his whole life and was haunting him. It was horrible.

“You’re kinda cute asleep,” he mumbled, knowing he’d have been killed for the comment if Puck was awake. He shut his eyes. He kind of liked having someone clinging to him. He fell asleep, fast.

-

The red digital clock display read 8:06.

Puck groaned, rubbing his eye with his right hand. His left, he realized, was stuck under a sleeping Kurt Hummel. Kurt, whose mouth was hanging open and who was mumbling in his sleep. It was freakishly adorable. What had happened last night and how did he wind up holding Kurt?

“Hey, wake up,” he said gruffly, finding it hard to speak.

Had he gone the whole night without a nightmare? He couldn’t remember but at least he didn’t wake up afraid. Kurt woke up slowly, just like Puck imagined he would. Why was he imagining that? He rubbed both of his eyes, blinked a few times and gave the other boy a sleepy smile.

That didn’t last long.

“Oh my god it’s past eight. We’re already late. What the … oh, yeah. You grabbed me.”

“I what?” he asked.

Kurt looked embarrassed, maybe. “You had another nightmare,” he admitted softly. “You were…really upset. You were screaming and yelling and you grabbed me. I wasn’t exactly able to move you.”

“Oh, um. Sorry.”

That wasn’t the response Kurt was expecting.

“Why didn’t my alarm go off?” Kurt asked groaning as he got up and looked at the alarm clock. “Damn it. The battery died. Convenient.”

Puck laughed a tiny bit. “When your luck couldn’t get any better, huh? I’m rubbing off on you, I think.”

“Shut up. Get dressed. Damn it. My dad probably knows something was weird. I always make sure he has something to bring to work.”

Kurt bolted upstairs. Puck had thought he’d have like a five thousand year routine before school. Oh, he was checking on his dad. Okay.

He pulled on his jeans and waited for Kurt to return.  
-

“Kurt, why aren’t you gone yet? Why are you still in pajamas? ” Burt asked when Kurt came up from the basement still in his pajamas and still there.

Kurt gave a small anxious smile. “My alarm clock battery died,” he said shaking his head. “Sorry I didn’t make lunch yet. Do you have to go?”

“I’m good right now,” his father responded quickly. “That’s not like you, not noticing things like that. You okay lately?”

Kurt shrugged a little bit. “I’m good Dad. I do need an excuse note though.” He knew he sounded off. He wasn’t fooling anyone, especially not his dad.

“Is it a boy? Please don’t say it’s a boy. I’m not feeling well enough for this.”

Kurt chuckled appreciatively despite the situation. “It’s not a boy…at least not in that way.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Kurt looked up at his dad. Sometimes Burt Hummel was so damned genuine it killed his son. Kurt couldn’t lie to his father when he gave him that look. Deceiving his dad, well that was a different story. Plus he really wanted to talk to his father. “Dad, I have to be honest with you,” he said. “I’ve had someone staying here for a few days…”

His dad gave him a look.

“Not like that!” Kurt yelled out, a little bit frantically. “Um. Puck. Noah Puckerman. He…he’s needed a place to stay. I should have asked you but I had to…I’m sorry…”He felt really badly for lying to his dad but the man was recovering from a heart attack – it was a little bit rude to have to ask him if one of his former bullies could come stay a few nights, right?

Yeah, keep on justifying Kurt.

“Puckerman,” Burt mumbled. “Carole’s good friends with his mother. Kurt…are those rumors true?”

Kurt looked at his father with huge eyes. Who didn’t know what had happened to Puck? It was like a rumor mill that was spinning out of control. Lima, Ohio – gossip central.

He nodded uncomfortably.

“Oh man,” Burt mumbled a little. “You promise nothing funny’s gonna go down between you two?”

Kurt laughed a little bit. “Despite Mercedes’ persistent beliefs I am not falling in love with Puck, dad. There is no need whatsoever for you to worry about that. I just wanted to give him a safe place to sleep where he didn’t freak out his little sister with nightmares.”

“You’re being a good kid…”

“I’m…dad can you pretend not to notice when we come upstairs?” Kurt asked, glancing at the door to his bedroom. “He’ll totally freak out.”

“Uh yeah. Sure. I need to go up to the garage early anyway.”

Sometimes Kurt adored his father.


	9. Chapter 9

Kurt silently handed over the excuse note from his father to the front desk of the school. "He was at my house with me," he told her. "He stayed the night since he left our - um, glee practice a bit too late. The alarm clock situation screwed us both over. I mean, caused a problem for us. Sorry."

He was cut off by Principal Figgins appearing.

"Puckerman," he said. "There's a woman here to speak to you."

Puck looked curiously. A dark haired woman in her late thirties with glasses and wearing a badge was standing behind the principal. He knew her. She had been there at the ... erm, detention center. Yet, she had just been some lowly underling then. She had not exuded this kind of confidence. "I know you," he mumbled.

"Yes," she said. "I'm Christine Larsen. I was undercover at the Juvenile Detention Center where you were incarcerated. I have been investigating matters of corruption in the system for the Ohio District Attorney. Please come with me."

Puck looked at Kurt.

"It'll be okay," Kurt mumbled softly.

"Mr. Hummel, please go to class," Figgins supplied and Kurt ducked down.

Puck couldn't help look at the woman with confusion on his face as she led him outside. The lunch tables were abandoned so she gestured for him to sit. He did so, watching as she slid in across from him.

What was going on here?

"I found out what was done to you," she said simply. "I'm afraid that our report may have been why rumors were particularly vicious in this area."

"Well thanks for that," he scoffed lightly, not understanding what she was coming here to say.

"I am here to let you know the corruption in the center is being taken care of and I want you to help us press charges against the young man who raped you as well as the officials who covered it up."

"No way," he said standing back up. "They'll throw me back in if I fuck with them."

She gave him a stern look and stood as well, smoothing her clothes out. "I can give you my word that won't happen."

He faced her and scanned her face for sincerity. Her eyes were nice and soft, kindly, despite her hard as nails demeanor. She looked like someone he would have wanted to get with back when he had a sex drive. She looked at him eagerly. He wasn’t that good at judging people’s intentions but she seemed like she genuinely wanted to help him get out of this mess he was in.

"If you promise," he said. "I wanna see the bastard who ruined me burn."

She took his hand.

"As do I," she said. "It upsets me greatly that something like this can be swept under the rug. Nobody is unworthy of justice."

"Not even your juvenile delinquents," he said laughing as a little. It was funny, really, at least in his warped and tired mind. "Thank you." He looked around, finding the campus eerily quiet. "What do I do?"

The woman was quick and precise with words. "You'll have to testify against the boy who raped you, as well as in the corruption case. It won't be easy but I assure you with the law on your side you'll win. The corruption will not be swept under the rug again, not when I’m in charge.”

"Maybe you can beat the system," he mumbled thoughtfully.

The woman looked down. "Noah, have you..."

"Puck please," he said, not really caring what she called him but delaying the inevitable question. He could tell it was coming by the way she was looking him in the eyes alone.

"Are you getting help?" she asked. "Rape is a trauma nobody should have to endure but most definitely cannot endure alone."

"Not professional help," he said honest, siting on the table now. "But I got an unlikely alliance of sorts. So don't worry at all babe."

"Miss Larsen," she corrected. "I'll be in touch."

He quickly went to class, thinking about actually getting some justice, and this time not the kind where he hit people.

The ultra perceptive Finn Hudson actually picked up on his issues today. He had only been in class for about five minutes when his phone buzzed with a text message.

U ok?

He glanced over at the boy who was a row behind him.

Yeah.

He tried to pretend to focus.

Kurt sed u got stopped by sum lady. Hes sooo worried.

He smiled very lightly. It was the stupidest thing in the world but Kurt worrying about him was kind of nice.

I'm ok. Gnna fix this mess. Tell him ok.

He smiled at Finn. He couldn't help it. He felt a little positive. Maybe this chick could help him. Maybe he could see the fucker who hurt him burn.

After class Finn asked him again. "Dude you ok? Who was she?"

"Some detective lady," he said shrugging as if it didn't matter. "She's working to take down that hell hole for covering my stuff up. I guess. Did you tell your boy that?"

"He's not my boy. He's my ...like almost stepbrother. He's so worried ‘bout you man. It's become like his whole life. Do you think he ...likes you?"

Puck found himself shrugging. "I dunno , black ch- I mean Mercedes was warning him off it when I came down the other night. He said he didn't though."

"Uh, why were you over there?"

"He's got a good bedroom to hide in," Puck admitted, surprised he did. "Quiet, leaves Sarah from hearing shit she shouldn't."

Finn smirked some.

"Yeah Hudson? Got something to say?"

"I don't think Kurt's the one with the crush," he said.

Puck shoved him and went to his next class, in the opposite direction. Maybe he was right. Finn was one of the most clueless people he had met in his life but sometimes he had the right idea.

He sunk down in a desk, wondering if what had happened caused this. He wasn't dumb. He knew that a person couldn't catch the gay from being raped. Despite popular belief he wasn't a stupid person but he was a confused one.

He decided to send Kurt his own message, even though Finn did.

-Hey. All ok. Meet me at park aftr school.


	10. Chapter 10

Kurt shuddered and pulled his jacket closed. It was colder than the last time he and Puck had met at the park. Fall was here and would quickly be followed by an Ohio Winter. He wondered why he was wanted here anyway. It was kind of confusing. He found the other boy by the swings.

"Hey," he said a little nervously.

"Hey," Puck responded. "Hudson acted like you were gonna break with worry, so I thought I'd tell ya the news myself."

Kurt put his bag aside and sat on the swing. "What news?" he asked.

"Some chick who was working there, she was undercover. They're gonna bring down the place in a big corruption case. Dude who did this to me might get his too."

Kurt turned his head, his eyes lighting up.

"Really? You're not gonna get in trouble or..."

Puck shrugged and sat down on the closest swing. "She swears she'll protect me but dude even if I land in the hole again, the idea of getting that place for covering it up and destroying him for ...wrecking me, it’s worth it. That's kinda cool yeah? Justice prevailing and all."

Kurt smiled. "Yeah. It'd give you some closure and yeah..."

He nodded. "Dude, were you really worried?"

"Don't call me Dude. And..." Kurt swung back a little. "Of course I was, some woman drags you off and I gotta go to class and..."

"You got warned against fallin' for me," he said sagely. He seemed to not be able to resist teasing.

"I'm not!"

Puck stood up.

"You had friends to warn you off the big bad that is love, but I don't really have a lot of friendly support. Finn and I are pretty cool again but instead of warring me off, he practically gushed over my feelings."

Kurt stopped the swing, feet dragging in the sand. "Are you saying-"

"That I'm totally gay for you? Maybe. I know what happened to me didn't hit a magical gay switch, but Dude I can't help it. Sorry I know, don't call you that. It's silly and stuff but you saved me you know that? You woke me up when I was just...falling inside. I was breaking down and..."

"Oh my god when did you get so romantic?" Kurt practically exclaimed. "This is a dream, a really good dream, but a dream nonetheless."

"You did it to me."

Kurt looked up.

"If it's not a dream then you're suffering from a bad case of hero worship because I helped you. Trust me; I did the hero worship thing with Finn. It's unhealthy and not real I promise."

Puck approached him with one long stride, leaned over and kissed him. It rocked his swing back.

Kurt let out a squeal when their lips touched and Puck kissed him rather intently. It felt so good and their lips just meshed together like they belonged, attached, ideal.

He got up and picked up his bag, shoving past the slightly kneeling boy, running as hard as he could. He didn't stop until he got home.

 

His dad was in the front room of the house, watching some very lame show about truck drivers. Instead of the usual quip about his father's poor taste in programming though, Kurt broke down crying.

Burt sprung to life there, turning off the television and gripping Kurt in his arms. "What happened? Kurt, did somebody hurt you? Talk to me kid, please."

He shook his head. "No, no but yes," he breathed. "Dad he kissed me! He...he kissed me and told me he was falling for me."

"Who?" Burt asked, confused.

"Puck," he rasped. "Noah Puckerman, the kid who threw me in dumpsters a year and a half ago and didn't give me a second glance in glee since he joined it. How can he be in love with me now? After all that! It's only...only because I helped him isn't it? I helped him get through a traumatic experience so he decided that he was in love with me. It’s just like my crush on Finn because he was nice to me and…oh man, Dad this is bad.”

Burt sat Kurt down, trying to calm his son. “Kurt, listen okay? This isn’t a bad thing, right?”

“How can you say that, Dad?” Kurt practically whined. “He doesn’t really love me and then he’s gonna make me fall in love with him which is just what Mercedes warned me not to do. I don’t like this. It’s not right.”

“If he makes you feel insecure Kurt…”

“That’s the problem!” he yelled, frantic. “He doesn’t make me feel insecure at all. It’s like he’s changed since he was hurt and he really cares about me.” He leaned back against the couch, smacking the back of his head against it a few times. He looked down at the floor because he was about to just start blabbering to a father who wasn’t prepared for this. “He’s the same guy he was before he got sent away, but only not. He was kind of the school man slut, a jock, a bully and…”

He had a feeling his father stopped cold at man slut, judging by his expression.

“It’s stopped though. The…the rape, it stopped that. He hasn’t so much as looked at a girl. He spends more time with me. He promised that they rape didn’t make him go gay for me, I did, but…um, this is really awkward isn’t it?”

His dad let out a choked, “Yeah it is.”

Kurt laughed, so upset he wasn’t sure how to react. “I ran away from him,” he said. “I left him in the park. That kind of sucked of me, right? Even if he’s not in love with me, he’s using me to help himself get through this and I ditched him in a freezing cold park.”

“How do you feel about the kid, incident aside?” Burt asked, with a look that said he really didn’t want to speculate on his son’s love life.

Kurt made it brief. “I don’t know,” he said. “I’m very protective of him. I want to be close to him. I just don’t really know who he is.”


	11. Chapter 11

Stupid did not even begin to describe the way he felt. He stood there for awhile, watching the path Kurt had run down but he knew that he wasn't coming back. He groaned. He had just thought that maybe a kiss was the way to go. It would clear his head, make him face his feelings and show the other boy that he was for real. Obviously his line of thinking was dumb. He never claimed to be super smart but the failure hurt. Rejection was not something he was used to and it hurt worse. He also had to consider that Kurt could be right.

He would never admit it, but what had happened - the rape - it had scared him senseless and warped who he was. It wasn't leaving his head any time soon - not the pain, physical and mental, or the helplessness. He had thought he was going to die then from how pathetic he felt.

Kurt had changed that.

The kid, who he had never given the time of day, was the only one to give a damn, to even ask if he was okay when obviously, he was dead to the world. He had then selflessly given him a person who would listen to him without judging him for the weakness and whininess that poured off of him in buckets. Kurt had given him a place to sleep so that he didn't traumatize his family with his nightmares. He was sure that Kurt lost sleep listening to those horrible sounds himself, the whimpers and whines. So yeah, if anything could lead to hero worship that was it.

Still, he was trying to be a good guy and trust his feelings!

It burned to be shot down and he couldn't even make a rude quip about Kurt's PMS to make himself feel better.

Even worse, he knew he had to go home with nowhere else to go. He had been going home for a few hours a day, mostly to calm his mother so she didn’t freak out, call a rabbi and send him to boarding school, but he had always snuck out to Kurt’s before the night was done. He looked off and then resigned himself to heading home and actually staying there.

As expected, when he got home, his mother instantly threw her arms around him. “You haven’t been home at all lately Noah!” she said, panicky and shrill, the mother that he was used to. “Where have you been? What’s going on? I heard from an officer today about…”

“Yes, she saw me,” he said hugging her back because he knew it would satisfy her.

“Are you…”

 

“I’m gonna get this taken care of Mom, I promise,” he said. He was not usually the soothing good son but he was trying his hardest right now, even though he kind of felt like shit. He wanted his mother to be happy. He wanted his sister to be happy. The one reason he had avoided coming home for so long was that he wanted to keep their home happy. It was annoying that he couldn’t do that. “I promise. Pressing charges, going to court, doing whatever she asks me to do."

He heard a cry from his other side. “You’re here!”

His sister had always been very attached to him, even more as he began to pull away from their relationship as a teenager. All of a sudden he felt even worse for past crimes and hugged her. “Yeah I’m here,” he mumbled.

“You had all those bad nightmares and then you kept vanishing at night! Mom was worried and rambling in Hebrew for goodness sake. Why did you do that?”

His sister was insanely smart for her age. He just hugged her. “I was keeping you up dude, you know that.”

“Don’t call me dude Noah,” she said in a way that made him want to absolutely cry. Oh god, he was pathetic. He smiled despite the feeling though that Kurt was haunting him, even through his little sister.

"Sarah, just...don't freak if I do tonight okay?"

"Okay," she said. "Mom, see he's okay?"

His mom was watching from the kitchen. He rolled his eyes and went to his bedroom. He needed a little bit of peace before he even began to contemplate if he was going to sleep or not.

He took the phone out of his back pocket. There were three new text messages, from Kurt of course. Who else. It didn't help his mood or confusion but he checked them anyway.

(8:59) u there?  
(9:31) I'm sorry  
(9:33) I got scared.

He groaned. He kissed the boy and it had scared him. That wasn't exactly the effect he was looking for. He didn't know what he was hoping for but it kind of involved Kurt wanting the kiss at least. Fear and kissing did not go together.

He played with the keypad on his phone. He typed a few messages (it's ok - I'm stupid - don't worry wtvr. - Im in love w u stupid) which were all quickly deleted immediately afterward.

He dialed Kurt instead.

It rang a few times and he was sure that Kurt wasn't going to answer when he did. "Hi," he said softly, hesitantly.

"Hey. I. Um. You ok?"

"Of course," Kurt answered and it was standard icy cold Kurt. "Are you? I really didn't mean to run off. It was silly of me."

He shrugged a little bit, trying to think of something to say. "It was a bit - er - drama queen material," he said, trying to keep ahead of the game. "If you didn't like it you coulda just said. I may be a dick but I'm not gonna force a thing on you."

Kurt's voice was heavy with emotion and maybe he shouldn't have said that. "I was just...I don't know who you are."

That hurt, a lot, but it brought up a point. "Neither do I," he said softly, unsure. He really didn't know who he was either. Two years ago, he was so confident. He ruled the school, he knew how to get his popularity and reel it in tight, he knew sex and romance and girls.

"How can you not?"

He blinked at Kurt's question.

"This is hard. What happened made things not matter as much and made me see what a true friend was. It's bullshit you know? All the emotional crap. I admit I still wanna be me but I can't."

"I like the new you."

"I do, but I don't."

The silence was a long one and he could hear Kurt's shallow breathing. "Do you wanna go on like a date?" Kurt asked, so very fast that he almost didn't catch it. "If you like me...maybe we can try."

The suge of hope was insane. It was even worse than the rest of the emotional drama.

"Dude good deal. Tomorrow's Saturday. Breadstix, you and me pretty boy." He grinned. He had to appreciate the irony. How many desperate girls had he brought on the same date only in hopes of getting in their plants? He had no such intentions for Kurt.

Damn. He was a new man.

"Do you - are you going to come over?"

"No, I'll stay." He had to stay. He had to take this slow and careful and sleeping at Kurt's would just result in sleeping cuddled to Kurt or whatever happened last time.


	12. Chapter 12

"You look really nice."

His sister's voice broke through his intense concentration on clothes of all things. He glanced down at his clothes, dark jeans with a white shirt that had actual buttons. "You think?" he asked. She was like twelve, but she was a girl. Girls knew these things.

"Yes I do," she said sweetly, sitting on his bed. "Are you going on a date?"

It wasn't exactly new. She had asked him about dates before and he had given her G-rated versions of his dates once or twice to satisfy the preteen romantic in her. This time, the date was totally different. "Yeah," he muttered. "I'm going on a date tonight."

"With who?"

He had been hoping she wouldn't ask that. "His name's Kurt," he mumbled, figuring he could be honest with a kid. She'd understand. She was a kid and a girl kid at that. They were good with their feelings.

"The gay guy?" she asked, gasping. "You talked 'bout him before Noah. Not very nice either."

He hadn't. He didn't know she remembered that. Puck groaned and sat down next to her. "Guess I got a lot to make up for with this date then huh?" he asked, flashing her a quick smile, but it was mostly to hide the hurt at her remembering how awful her older brother was.

"Are you gay?" she asked, like she had just thought of it. Kids were cool. Sexuality was just kind of an afterthought, not a defining characteristic.

"I dunno. I liked a lot of girls. I like him."

"You're bisexual!" she yelled suddenly, like she just remembered that term. "Like my friend Jill's big sister."

"Not quite like her," Puck mumbled, knowing Jill's sister - a loudmouthed Cheerio - quite intimately the previous year. "But sorta. More Kurt-sexual for now."

"Ah that's so cute!" she yelled jumping off his bed. "I gotta go do homework. Have a good date, and be nice to him"

She left and he was alone. Kurt-sexual. Oh man he was sunk.

He had on a shirt with buttons. This was as good as Kurt was going to get. What was even worse? Well the fact that his license was sort of still suspended. Yes, he had to have Kurt pick him up for the date like he was the guy's girlfriend or something. His face was red just thinking about it. He glanced to the clock. It was almost seven. He went outside, hoping to spare himself further humiliation.

Kurt rolled up exactly on time in that gorgeous car of his.

Before he could think about it and bolt running, he opened the passenger door and slipped in. "Sorry bout making you drive," he said shaking his head. "I forgot that my license was suspended."

"This usually happens when you crash a car through a building," Kurt responded in spectacular Kurt fashion, but there was the tiniest of smiles behind it. Jerk. Yet, he was so adorable as he drove, eyes on the road, a lot more confidence than usual. "But, it was still sweet of you to ask me out after I ran."

He shrugged. "I didn't think that through," he said flashing a small smile. "You know, sometimes thought gets reduced to - kiss now, uggah ugh."

"Nice caveman impression," Kurt said laughing. "I've called you a Neanderthal before but I never knew you really grunted in your head."

"Oh totally," he said so comfortable it surprised him.

He was glad the restaurant wasn't far away. "Let's get a table near the back," he mumbled to Kurt, hoping not to be noticed. It was silly. Now that his reputation was so far in the hole that it was no longer salvageable, he didn't give two shits about what people thought - but still, he wanted peace. He wanted to deal with his obnoxious and frustrating feelings without interruption or distraction. He also knew the waitstaff kind of disliked him. What could he say; he had been an annoying bastard.

He and Kurt found a seat in the back. Kurt looked nervous now, some of that confidence in the car fading. "Is this your uh, first date?"

Kurt nodded. "First that counts."

Damn it. That was big. He hadn't taken someone on their first date since like elementary school. "Cool, I uh hope it's good."

"You're weirding me out," Kurt admitted, shutting the menu. The waitress stuck a basket of breadsticks on the table but he was totally focused on Kurt. Kurt mumbled thank you to the lady but the intense gaze between them never broke. "It's like youre a different person. Are you sure you don't need thera-"

"Awwww! He's finally gone terminal!"

Puck recognized the voice and looked up. Football players, all three of them. Jackasses with more meat on their bones then in their heads. Erickson, Smith, Davies. "Stage four faggotry, incurable," Erikson said, a fake mournful expression on his face.

Puck got up.

"I don't want to interrupt your date ladies," the jock crooned. "It's so very adorable."

"I suggest you shut up and take off Erickson, if you like your balls intact."

"Talking bout my balls, are ya? It's worse than I thought."

He grabbed the punk by the shirt and shoved him.

He hit the wall pretty hard. "Guess what?" he asked. "I know you're pissed cause you want him bad and I'm on a date with him. Well fuck that, I got there first. I'm so hot that I can date beautiful boy's and it's still gonna be cool. Tomorrow there might be rumors going around, slurs and pranks but who cares? I'll know you're all jealous cause I got the girls you wanted and now I got the boy you know you want."

He let go.

"Come on," he told Kurt. "Why don't we take that hot ride of yours and hit up a real restaurant?"

Kurt gaped and nodded and yes, he was smiling.

"Damn that felt good," Puck declared as he leaned back against the seat of the car. "Cmon, Kurt, wherever you wanna go, just try not to go all creepy health food on me."

"That was awesome," Kurt mumbled slipping into his seat and not starting the car, just staring.

"What?"

"You're...still you and you like me," he said, sounding so delighted it would crack through the toughest skins. "You're violent and arrogant and..."

"Dude, are you complimenting me or insulting me?"

"Don't call me dude," Kurt repeated for the millionth time. "But you're crude and brave and 'could make wearing a dress to school cool' or so Finn once told me. You're not like traumatized into liking me."

Kurt practically crawled over the divider between their seats to lay a kiss on him. He was awkward, like he had never initiated a kiss before but hell his lips were soft.

"I coulda told you that," he said, before giving that kid a good and proper kiss.


	13. Chapter 13

“Hey, you didn’t answer any of my calls so I wanted to come and see if you were okay.”

Puck jumped out of his seat. Fuck. Kurt. He didn’t want the other teenager to see him that way. He looked a total wreck. His face was ghostly white (like, he made Kurt look dark) and he may or may not have been crying just a little bit. Why on earth did his mother let Kurt into his bedroom? Kurt wouldn’t stop talking either. “I know you had to go testify against…him today and I was worried. My dad said not to worry and that when you wanted me to come over you would call me, but I was just scared and I wanted to make sure you were…”

“Kurt, you’re not a rambler, it doesn’t work for you,” he said, totally embarrassed.  “I’m fine, yeah I’m cool.”

Totally cool. Cause mental breakdowns were always cool

He walked into the adjoining bathroom, leaving Kurt standing alone in his bedroom. Okay, maybe that wasn’t too cool of him. He turned on the faucet. He splashed water on his face and turned it back off. Staring into the mirror, he looked at his face.

It was cheesy as fuck but it wasn’t his face he saw when he looked into the mirror.

He saw the face he’d seen earlier that day. Dark skin, hawk like eyes and tons of tattoos covering his body.  He had glared at Puck through a glass divide that morning, glaring as if he dared him to name his rapist. .

“Yeah, he did it,” he had told the officer who was holding him by the shoulder.

“How can you be sure?” the man asked. “According to your initial testimony your attacker came from behind you.”

He had been so ready to rant at the young, handsome police officer. He had wanted to scream _you get raped and see how good your memory becomes_. Instead though, he had said calmly, “I remember his tatts. He had a ton of them, a skull on his hand.”

He nodded to the skull on the boy’s hand.

Puck snapped back to reality but he could still see the look in the boy’s eyes when he realized he was being identified and the mouthed words, “I’m gonna fuckin kill you.”

He shook his head and tried not to freak out. That memory was bad enough but he kept feeling like he was being dragged back further.

“What happened?” Kurt asked, walking into the bathroom.

He shook his head. “I talked to that chick about how they covered up the case and then IDed the…guy who did this, so they can take him to court. It was simple, fast.”

“You’re scared.”

It was a simple statement. Not accusing him of anything, just stating a fact. He was scared. Scared shitless honestly. What could he say?

“I can’t stop remembering it,” he admitted honestly.

Kurt was hesitant, like he wanted to say something. He opened his mouth, closing it again and then opening it once more. “Do you wanna talk about…that night?” he asked.

“Why would I wanna talk about it?” he snapped.  He didn’t mean to snap at Kurt but it was the most ridiculous idea ever. How could he talk about what had happened? It was taking all his strength to keep it inside, why would he be the one to let it come flooding out? He wasn’t stupid.

“Maybe you can stop feeling afraid of those memories if you confront it head on?” Kurt asked, though he seemed unsure of his own assertion.  Kurt shrugged. "I'm not a therapist," he added, rubbing Puck's shoulder lightly. "I just think that maybe talking about it will keep the fears away. You look like you're gonna break."

"Thanks."

"It's true." Kurt shrugged a little bit. "I'll listen. I'll be someone who doesn't judge."

Puck smiled, unable to do much else. "You make me laugh," he admitted and he pulled Kurt over. Kurt stumbled and fell right into his lips. Kissing Kurt was very new but it felt so good with all of the frustration and those stupid hawk eyes in his head.

"Do you wanna-"

"Yeah."

He sat down on his bed and pat it. Kurt sat down delicately, giving the wrinkled bedspread a look of distaste. "I'm warning you," he said. "If we start dating I'm redecorating."

"Deal," he said.

They were quiet for a long time. He didn't know what to say.

"They told me his name was Trevor. I didn't see him face to face when he...raped me, but I knew it was him the second I saw him behind that glass." He stumbled a little bit on his words. “They got all in my face, asking me how I knew when he attacked me from behind. I was ready to snap, but I saw his tattoos. He was covered in them, all the way up to his hands. I could never get the skull on the back of his hand outta my head.”

The mark on his hand was the last thing on his mind at first though, when a huge hand pressed down on his back, between his shoulder blades and the other, the marked one, swung around his chest. He had always prided himself on being so strong but he was no match for this.

“Move and I’ll kill you. I got guys watching.”

The hand between his shoulder blades never moved. Somehow, through the blur of hysteria, he had managed to shove down his pants, hit and scratch at his chest and do all the work with one arm.

It was insane.

“I was just heading back from the like…cafeteria area, to the rooms, because it was almost lockdown,” he mumbled to Kurt. “I went the wrong way and this guy just jumped me.”

He shivered a little bit as he thought about it. “All the bragging I do about how tough and shit I am,” he said laughing a little. “He took me down in maybe ten seconds flat and I couldn’t do a thing to fight back.”

“You were scared…” Kurt mumbled, noticing the look of shame he knew was crossing his face.

“Petrified,” he said, no macho bravado needed. “He hit me a couple of times but really, it should have been more of a struggle…he called me a fag for not fighting him off and … well, you know the rest of the story. He was ripping my ass apart so fast I didn’t know what was happening until…fuck, it hurt.”

He closed his eyes, trying not to break down and Kurt slipped up against his side, cuddling there. He wasn’t good at affection and Puck could tell by the look in his eyes that he was a little bit strained. “I can’t even imagine…”

‘Sometimes I think it’s my own fault,” he admitted. “I was so scared of being in juvie. I mean, what I did, was dumb. I was drunk and stupid and with the wrong people. At McKinley, I’m like … or I was before this, head of the food chain. There was literally nobody who could push me around but from the second I got there I was absolutely scared shitless. You’d think the right answer would be to lay low but no.”

“What’d you do?” Kurt asked.

“Acted like I owned the place,” he admitted, shaking his head. “Talked down to any and everyone who would listen and made up these ridiculous stories about running our school. You know, bullying one punk kid turned into taking down three street thugs and such. I just could not stop running my mouth out of total fear.

“They did realize you lived in Lima, Ohio, didn’t they?” Kurt asked gently. "And were kinda full of it."

“That’s the problem. I think he did it to take me down a notch. So maybe I deser…”

“Don’t you dare say that,” Kurt said, smacking his shoulder. “You’re a bit of a dick sometimes and I woulda been annoyed too but you never deserved that. Nobody ever deserves that."

“You say that like you’d ever end up in juvie.”

“Hey I’m badass,” Kurt retaliated and that made him smile.

“More badass than me,” he said honestly.

“What happened after he was…you know, done?” Kurt asked softly. He seemed so uncomfortable and he was prying into a very uncomfortable place.

“He was humping into me like he wanted to break me, so I…” his breath left him for a second, “I…I let it knock me out. It’s the weirdest thing being totally frozen by fear and just wanting everything to stop.”

“It’s not weird,” Kurt mumbled. “I’ve been there. Not…there, like in such a horrific situation but I think it’s only natural to just freeze up and let it happen.”

He hugged Kurt tight with one arm, just not willing to let go.

“When I came to, it was obvious what happened. I was mostly unconscious, bleeding, bruised up and covered in another guy’s…you know,” he mumbled low. “The head officer, some big, menacing looking woman took me up to the owner, this dude, and he was like ‘alright, Puckerman, you and I need to make a deal.’”

Kurt swallowed deeply.

Puck nodded a little bit, to confirm his suspicions. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “You’re a good kid and all and we can make a deal that’ll get you out of this place. Nobody knows what happened tonight. We give you and your family a nice link to a therapist, dismiss you on good behavior and it never gets out. Didn’t give a fuck I was raped. Just wanted to save their own face.”

“You were so traumatized,” Kurt mumbled. “How could you say no?”

“Exactly,” he said. “I just wanted out.”

“They’ll get taken down,” Kurt mumbled.

“Hope so,” he said honestly, leaning back. “You know I never felt like offing myself in my life, before the day I came home and had the first nightmare.”

Kurt leaned over and hugged him really tight, which quickly turned into a kiss. It might have been to distract him from the memories of how close he had been to suicide for a minute there.

“Two weeks later,” he said with a slight smirk. “Couple days after I returned to that hell hole we call a school, Ma told me that I had a visitor.”

Kurt nodded.

“Yep, some kid who said, ‘Listen, I know you’re not okay. Tell me what happened, for real.”

Kurt smiled, proudly. “Oh, I think I remember that.”

Puck sighed and held onto him just as tightly, leaning down a little bit. “Thank you,” he mumbled.  “For always being there.”

“I gotta confess something to you,” Kurt said honestly. “Your sister helped me this time.”

“Sarah?”

“You know, you should really tell your sister to delete her facebook account. She’s like…twelve or something right?”

“Yeah, wait, Sarah has a facebook?” he asked with a bit of shock he couldn’t hide.

“Mhm. I actually…um, was sitting at home debating whether or not to come when I got a weird message.”

He looked at the computer in the corner of the room. “Can I show you?”

Puck nodded. Kurt walked over to the computer and brought up his facebook profile. A few seconds later he clicked into the messages.

 _hi, is this kurt the gay guy from noah’s school? this is his sister. i don’t normally use this thing cause noah would kill me, but I use it to check out his friends. if you are the gay guy kurt then can you came over? he looks really upset and I know he likes you._

 _thx! sarah_

 _ps sorry for all the mean things he’s said. he’s really secretly nice._

Puck was gaping. “She’s deleting that thing now, but…damn it I owe her one don’t I?

Kurt nodded. “You do, you do.”


	14. Chapter 14

Kurt leaned in and kissed him back and he could swear that Noah Puckerman was positively glowing, the way he smiled. It was so sappy and romantic and that smile kind of melted his heart. “You know,” Puck said with raised eyebrows. “The amount of kissing we’ve been doing lately, I expect us to sing a sappy duet next Glee rehearsal that puts Finn and Rachel to absolute shame.”

Kurt smiled, bright. “Seriously?” he asked.

“They need to be knocked down a peg, or six,” he said. “Usually I tune Rachel out but c’mon, showing them up is so much fun.”

Kurt laughed softly.

"Do you know what kinda fit Finn had when I wanted to sing a duet with Sam? He thought I was gonna plunge him into a world of devastation and gayness with a single song.” He was still a little bit pissed off at Finn for that, but he knew he didn’t mean anything by it. Glee meant way too much to the boy. Rachel was starting to slowly rub off on him.

Puck rolled his eyes with an expression that Kurt found so cute. He had never once before they got close imagined that he would be so cute. "I would be honored to be plunged into a world of gayness with you."

Kurt's heart may or may not have fluttered a little at that. He yawned and leaned back on his bed. Puck shifted so his head was propped up on Kurt's knee. "You did really, really well with my dad today," he complimented.

Burt had definitely gone a little, "you hurt my son I'll kill you" on him but toned it down on Kurt's request. Kurt had practically begged him for that much. He reminded Burt that Puck had been through hell in the past few months and he didn’t need to talk to the crazy father with the flamethrower, not at all.

"He's a cool guy. He definitely does the stare down though. I hope he knows I meant it though. I won't mess with you."

Kurt nodded. "I won't mess with you either," he said.

"I'm more scared of that," Puck joked lightly. Kurt jostled his knee lightly, bouncing the boy some. "I haven't had a nightmare in a few nights, you know, but I really miss hanging here."

"You're always welcome, though dad will look at you like you're corrupting my innocence now."

"I'll leave your innocence intact," he said yawning a tiny bit. "But I still want my sappy gay love duet. We have to make em see who the real power couple at McKinley is."

"We've barely started dating," he said. Man, he was falling in love. So hard and so fast; he was glad that Mercedes saw firsthand the sappy looks that he gave Puck and got over her he’ll break your heart so fast routine.

"Eh so?We gotta rule. Show these kids who’s boss.”

“I’m so holding you up to that,” Kurt said seriously. “I could find a really sappy Broadway love song or something, then you’ll be regretting your decision.”

“I will not.”

He yawned a little bit and leaned closer. “Can I stay tonight?” he asked.

Kurt nodded, eagerly.

They both were kind of unfocused, distracted and dazed when Puck’s cell phone started ringing. “What the heck is that tone?” Kurt asked wincing. It was loud and shrill, probably one of the defaults that came on the phone.

“My mom’s tone,” he said as he picked it up. “Hey mom, what’s up?”

His face paled a little bit. Kurt watched concerned as he sat up and moved over towards the end of the bed. “Yeah. I’ll be there. Of course. I’m gonna sleep over at Kurt’s tonight but I promise I’ll be there, six am. Yeah, of course I’ll wake up. Yes, yes, its better if I stay with Kurt, trust me.”

He hung up the phone.

“Shit.” He mumbled low, looking at Kurt. “No new news on the corruption case. Looks like the juvie center is going down, but…”

He sighed low. “No witnesses aside from me are coming up in the case against him. My moral character is being brought into account and there’s a lot of talk from our lawyer that he could get thrown back into juvie, no new charges except the one’s he was in there for in the first place.”

Kurt watched his face fall, unsure of how to handle it. He looked devastated. “There’s got to be something we can do,” he said softly.

“I dunno…”

The uncertainty was very scary. Could a couple of technicalities and the center’s insistence on covering things up really get a rapist off free?

It was a horrifying thought.

“Come on,” Kurt said, putting on the strongest face he possibly could about the whole situation. “You gotta get to sleep. I’ll wake you up in the morning and even take you down to the courthouse, no problem at all.”

For all his strong behavior he was getting scared too though, scared for the person who meant so much.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be posting the sequel to this site asap.

Kurt stared at the courthouse. The clock on its side read 9:32. He had been sitting here for almost two hours. Puck would not let him go in, telling Kurt that he just wasn’t ready to break down in front of him again, and that he did not want Kurt to be face to face with that man. It was sweet, so flattering and Kurt was now going a little bit crazy with worry.

Could they really let off the man who had brutally raped Puck?

Kurt knew the answer of course. He had been bullied mercilessly, called horrible things because of his sexuality and generally tortured because the world wasn’t fair. Puck had been raped and the authorities had almost let him slip through the cracks because life just couldn’t be fair. The man who had raped him could be painted an innocent and Puck could spend the rest of his time in Lima in fear.

Kurt knew that he’d be there for Puck, if that happened. He was definitely in love with him. They worked really well together. They could survive anything. He was not going to leave his side for a moment, even if the town had him living in fear.

Still, he was going to break the goddamned clock if something didn’t happen. He tried to calm down, to think, to do something.

He just kept waiting.

It was cold; he was grouchy and ready to throw a fit when Puck walked out of the courthouse. The well-dressed boy sat down at his side. Kurt wanted to say something, but stopped, when Puck leaned his head into his shoulder and let out a deep, shuddering breath. He had seen this before, when the bigger boy woke up from nightmares. He was terrified and upset and trying his best to calm down.

“You okay?”

Puck shook his head.

“Did they let him off?”

“Not yet,” Puck mumbled. “But I basically got ripped open, verbally. Bringing my character into play. Cause you know, I’m the type who’d lie about this. Why the fuck would anyone lie about something like this? What on earth would they hope to get from it?”

Kurt rubbed his shoulder, holding him there. “I know you’re not,” he said gentle. “Nobody would lie about something like this.”

“You’d think,” he huffed. “We’re dismissed for the day; do you wanna go do something?”

Kurt nodded a little bit.

“Let’s go to the park,” Puck said, suddenly taking Kurt’s hand.

Kurt and Puck walked down toward the little park. They had been here a couple of times. “I wanna kiss you proper at this park,” Puck announced seriously. “And no running away.” It was cute, the way he finished that statement with a childish pout. Evidently Kurt running off had hurt his ego, greatly.

Kurt nodded. “Deal.”

They went to the park and Kurt immediately sat down on the swing. “Okay,” he said seriously. “Kiss me.”

Puck leaned down, kissing him very deeply; letting their lips brush against each other’s before deepening the kiss. Kurt all but moaned. It felt awesome. Kurt was breathless by the time their lips parted and was sure he was going to have an unfortunate swinging accident.

“So that was how it was supposed to go?” Kurt asked.

“Mhm.”

“Again.”

He couldn’t help obey that, leaning forward and touching Kurt’s cheek. It felt so good just to kiss, to feel comfortable. It made the worries that they both were feeling kind of slip away for a bit. He leaned up close. It was so comfortable. It felt so right, just kissing like that.

“I read online about the center being taken down in the corruption case. It’s a start.”

“Yeah it is,” Puck said, pushing Kurt on the swing. Kurt was a little surprised by the gesture but held onto the chains anyway. “I think we’ll be okay, either way. Still scares me shitless that he could get off, but…we’ll be okay.”

They had to constantly fight the system, but they’d make it. Kurt laughed as Puck pushed him, hard. “Hey, what are you trying to do?”

“I dunno. You look cute holding on to the swing like that.”

“I live to please.”


End file.
